Heart Chakra Pig

A few years ago I had the experience of doing something that I thought was following my dreams that turned out to be me trying to follow a lifetime of accumulated “shoulds.” Some were more obviously external – I “should” finish a college degree – and some were more internal – because I connect with animals in the particular way I do, I “should” be a vet or a vet tech.

What I did in the end was break my own heart many, many times over. And when my heart got that broken, all the careful construction I had done to keep myself together when I was falling apart just came undone.

Two things happened that brought me back to myself. One was simply that I went away – to the pure beauty of Telluride, Colorado, and the soul-soothing sounds of live music (my own personal religion) – and I looked up and saw mountains, and nature, and beauty, and I remembered who I was, inside my heart where it counts. The other was the pig I call the Last Straw Pig. Rose hates it when I say that I had reached the point of looking at a pig I was about to euthanize and really struggling with whether to inject the barbiturates into the pig’s ear or my own wrist, but it had gotten that bad. And I realized that I literally could not keep living doing what I was doing.

This pig represents that turning point in my life. He represents my dreams, and knowing when it’s ok to admit that something that I once dreamed of turned out not to be what I wanted or needed or could handle in my life. He represents admitting that my heart has to win out over my mind and I have to listen to the sound it makes when it breaks, and to feel what that feels like, and to act on it. He represents all the feelings I have tried to ignore in my life in favor of logic. He represents finally, finally walking away from a lifetime of worrying about “should” and just accepting what is. Including that pigs can be any color you want them to be, and that you never know what will lead you back to your own heart.

4 thoughts on “Heart Chakra Pig

  1. Oh Tessa, I love this! I really really love this. Perhaps because it’s the story of my life too. I’m a lot older than you, but I finally listened to my heart. It healed and I’ve never been happier. I hope your pig brings you healing and happiness my friend 💜

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  2. Your sharing this is a potent reminder that losing track of ourselves can be the most heartbreaking of all. Thank you for this raw and beautiful post. Those pig souls were lucky to have been handled by you – and I’m also sorry that you had to go through all you did. 💜

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  3. It’s so hard sometimes to know what’s driving our dreams, isn’t it? It’s good that you figured it out before you went further down that road…

    Like

  4. You had me at Pig.
    Things get interesting when we cut the cords we’ve used to bind ourselves to a life created, consciously or unconsciously, in service to the desires/demands of external influences not in alignment with our deep heart’s desires. We’re instructed and misinstructed from the moment we draw our first human breath about how to do life. Tis a rare exception, the child who finds herself surrounded by adults whose strongest support for her is to help her find her way using her own internal guidance system. Which, in my estimation explains how the world is the way it is.
    Welcome to your New Life–you’re well prepared for it. xoxoxo

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